Poems

Is wanting to be equal thought unfair,
By those who hold the cards and all the shots,
Or is it wanting your fair share really unfair,
If having everything creates ''have nots''

Oh, whould that eyes were blind to skin's dark blue,
If only hearts were judged instead of race,
There'd be no outward clues for us to view,
We'd have treat as equal every face.

I cry
I cry when a family member die,
I cry when i don't get pie,
I cry when there is no hope,
I cry when a family friend smokes dope.

Dishes and me
Oh, every time I look and see,
Those dirty dishes in the sink,
The food is drying hard as tar,
I come to cease and then I think,

What if I didn't do them now,
What if I let them sit and stink,
The devil on my shoulder says,
Just snack and rinse and go back to sleep.

On a verge we amerge,
To face the fights of life,
Screaming, ''it's a deadly knife'',
For what we'll face and what we don't
It's life you see, and now you won't,
From what you've seen or what you've heard,
Is all merely nonsense, Incredibly absurd.

The Poor
Seeing a child sleep on the ground,
Makes me sad, for you should agree,
A miracle i wish, astounds,
To live a life, there is no fee

Here lives a meal in front of me,
Cant take another bite, I think,
There they sleep where it is stormy,
Another dies before I blink.

Critiics Choice Movie Awards & a surprising Guest Band

Im watching the Critics Choice Movie Awards, and each time, rite before it goes to commercial, they start playing a song. And i thought, wait that kinda sounds like Nick Jonas. But then agian why would they have Nick playing at the CCMA's? hmm. Then i found out, it was Nick playing at the CCMA's, him and his band. And the point of this is, they sounded really really good. As if they were the actual people who sang those songs, thats how good they sounded.
But anyway, Im wondering and thinking and I thought: Why in hell didnt he just start off his career as jus ''Nick Jonas'' instead of the ''Jonas Brothers''? He wouldve been better off by himself in the beginning....shit, wit songs like that. The kid got a damn good voice. I think he wouldve been more successful, and he prob. would not have even met Miley Cyrus and got involved wit that entire La la land scene. The Jonas brothers were, to me, made up of 3 things: 1. Nick - the voice, 2. Joe -the unnccessary charmer, and 3. Kevin - who the hell knows why he's in the band.

(Pay no attention to this weird VMA - like moment, but why is Meryl looking like '' What the hell is she doing, she just couldnt resist") lol 

When I 1st heard of them, i heard them on the radio, better yet, I heard Nick and he was singing ''Please be mine''. That's the kind of music i thought i became a fan of, apparently until I Youtube'd them and saw those other tinky winky pop-like songs. Then i questioned rather I still wanted to be a fan but with a slight frown on my face.?
 BTW: the intro of the show was hilirious with the whole inglorious bastards scene and stuff, the host killed it :)

Quentin, Pirates, and Unrealistic Dreams..Fail

Ello Bloggets,
Top of the morning to ya and i dont kno why im typing like this, im not a pirate nor am i a terrorists, so jus ignore this introduction....

I just dreamt Quentin Tarantino created a tv show and held a contest for ONE lucky fan to write a scene for him...and i won. Then i woke up all excited and shit, like that really happened and i really won, until i realized......Epic Fail!

10 years ago & up..

...I was in the 2nd grade. I was a happy 7 year old. I had good friends, a living mother, and something that i was quite fond of - Barbies(alot of them). The year was far from shitty, like 2009, nor was i allowed to say words like ''shitty''. When i was 7 i dreamt alot & i can recall a particular dream that refuses to go away. I was asleep and woke up in my bedroom filled with water. There was all types of fish and whales swimming around. Then all of a sudden a shark (obviously) came in my room, stared at me for a moment and swam full speed right at me. Then i woke up, usually dreams are like that. The point is, that dream was a mere image of my life and  how it was soon going to be like. One moment Im calm & content cause Im surrounded by all these innocent, harmless, stress relieving  fish*people*. Then before i knew it, Im surrounded by this negative, & evil, Lifesucking creature, all in fear of standing up to it. Though maybe that creature only represented to the cruel, and despised ppl in my life, or yet, a mere image of me attacking myself. Or maybe a messenger saying, wake up, life isnt as pricked up as you think it is. Life, is coming, prepare yourself and awake from this dream. ''When life comes rushing at you from out of the darkness; will you sustain it, or let it crash and burn in you in the process... That dream was telling me something, i was just too young to understand it. But sometimes i wonder... if that wasnt the message, and that dream was nothing but a dream, then why did i dream it. I thought dreams were supposed to be a collection of images you acquire throughout your day, your the past or a thoughts of your imagination; not something that was going to happen in the future.
Only a few hours left until a New Year. Changes will be made, big changes:

In 2010 will be a more sarcastic me.
2010 I refuse to step back into that depressed state.
In this year i will visit her grave.
This year i will cook my way through those dusty Betty Crocker cookbooks.
This year i will say what needs to be said with no fear no tear, no matter how harsh.
This year i will write more, draw more.
This year i will explore my creativeness.
This year i will own a lomography camera and take artistic pics and put them online for people to see.
This year i refuse to let these ppl get the best of me.
This year i refuse to let them quiet me, if they want a fight, I'll give them i fight.
This year i will not cry, instead get mad and burn their house down. /sarcasm
This year i want to be happy, for the entire year. For the 1st time in a long time.
This year things will finally go the way i wish them to go, I'll make sure of that.
This year i will own a guitar.
etc etc
Happy New Year!!!!!!

Happy Holidays

A couple of weeks ago, me and my cousin thought it'd be a good idea to send our aunt my wishlist but as a joke. and she responded as we thought she would in email "Thats nice, but i dont have no money''
Epic!
...
anyway, i got another email from her later comfirming details about a Kill Bill poster i wanted to put in my apartment next year. I love getting my way....no not really, i never get my way, Im so poor *sigh*
I think, what really did it was the picture of my puppy dog eyes i send her, the email was kind of heartfelt & sad & how this was going to be my last christmas in this house before i move to NY...yea
That, Im good at. So if you ever need a actress who's terribly good at lying, puppy dog eyes, schemeing, all thee above; Im here for you.....
..
For only $9.99 ;)
Happy Holidays!

Surprise?

-Is surprised, very few people surprise me.

Its not what you know, its who you know. You could know.. life sucks and your in it alone, and be in the darkest mood; and then get a random gift of kindness from the people you've thought forgotten about you.
People surprise me.

You, yourself of all people, wanders in the mind of someone else, somewhere. As much as you like to think how impossible that sounds, sooner or later you have to realize, its not. Someone's been thinking of you, and it matters. Drop whatever image or idea you have about people not caring, because somewhere, someone is. Even if its just one.

RIP 2009

So yesterday, if you havent heard, Brittany Murphy died. Its sad that she's one of them but please let her be the last one of the year 2009. Patrick Swayze, Michael, Farrah, my uncle...(the ones that i know of) lost their lives in''09'' Its like their deaths signify the ending of this decade and its too surreal to believe. Brittany played in a movie that really got me and kinda acted out parts of my life in both characters: Molly(Brittany) and Ray (Dakota Fanning) in the movie "Uptown Girls". My mom bought that movie and we watched it together a couple of times, but that was in 2003. Funny how we see something one day happening to someone else or something on TV, and the next day its actually happening to us. Who knew Ray was gonna be me a year later, jus w/o the Nanny or being rich. The things we can't quite understand are the things we turn away from the most.
They say she died of natural causes. You dont just die of natural causes at 32, its not normal especially right before Chirstmas. Its too fast. Time doesnt give us enough of the living. But it gives us all the time left in the world to grieve the dead.

My mom died 4 days b4 my 12th b-day. Ive been thrh the 5 stages thing, prob. the anger & depression stage the most. Acceptance was a bliss. i was lost & no one knew how to help, & i didnt have much of a good support system. She was my roc & the only person i could really tlk to. Not many ppl can say that. Sumtimes i didnt give a shit about ppl, i was selfish but that wasnt always helpful. In the end all i needed was Paper & pen & wrote my grief & anger away. I write to deal w/ grief..   RIP Brittany Murphy
-comment response to shanedawson on youtubehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnWbN2Vxpnw