They say, no one can truly understand what one is going through unless they experience it for themselves. I say, this statement is completely and utterly true.
Sometimes I wonder just how much different things would be if I didnt exist. This is my daily feeling living at the Ewald Residence - feeling as if a dont exist. Why? Because 75% of the fucking time everybody takes time out of their daily busy lives to forget that I have a deceased mother and father who is dead-to-me. They don't realize nor understand my struggle & what its like to live here alone with neither one of my parents to help guide me: financially or faithfully. So if i have neither parents to buy me things whether a need or want; take me out to some festivities downtown, etc. Then who the hell will? 24hours locked up in this god forsaken dome as pretty much hell to me. Lonely with a chance of insanity. Farthest from your ideal, Home Sweet Home. Fuck my feelings. "Lets all go out to dinner or to a festival and leave Ge at home, alone. Where she can sit in misery hating and possibly embracing the fact that she's an orphan. Fuck her feelings. Lets all not invite her an purpose, cause lets face it, we have our own damn families to pay for."
Saturday, July 10th 2010 I was informed of a certain little outing that apparently, I wasn't supposed to be apart of. It was extremely clear that my invitation was indirect and that my accompany would only be a burden in wasting more gas money. Typical, a typical day in the life of me. A so called burden, most common in the category of "your not worth mileage(gas)". And its not fair. I am the last will. And its true, i am. I am the very last person they think about. I should be used to this kind of stuff anymore. Im nearly an orphan. And thats what orphans are: They get left behind.