01 January 2010

10 years ago & up..

...I was in the 2nd grade. I was a happy 7 year old. I had good friends, a living mother, and something that i was quite fond of - Barbies(alot of them). The year was far from shitty, like 2009, nor was i allowed to say words like ''shitty''. When i was 7 i dreamt alot & i can recall a particular dream that refuses to go away. I was asleep and woke up in my bedroom filled with water. There was all types of fish and whales swimming around. Then all of a sudden a shark (obviously) came in my room, stared at me for a moment and swam full speed right at me. Then i woke up, usually dreams are like that. The point is, that dream was a mere image of my life and  how it was soon going to be like. One moment Im calm & content cause Im surrounded by all these innocent, harmless, stress relieving  fish*people*. Then before i knew it, Im surrounded by this negative, & evil, Lifesucking creature, all in fear of standing up to it. Though maybe that creature only represented to the cruel, and despised ppl in my life, or yet, a mere image of me attacking myself. Or maybe a messenger saying, wake up, life isnt as pricked up as you think it is. Life, is coming, prepare yourself and awake from this dream. ''When life comes rushing at you from out of the darkness; will you sustain it, or let it crash and burn in you in the process... That dream was telling me something, i was just too young to understand it. But sometimes i wonder... if that wasnt the message, and that dream was nothing but a dream, then why did i dream it. I thought dreams were supposed to be a collection of images you acquire throughout your day, your the past or a thoughts of your imagination; not something that was going to happen in the future.
Only a few hours left until a New Year. Changes will be made, big changes:

In 2010 will be a more sarcastic me.
2010 I refuse to step back into that depressed state.
In this year i will visit her grave.
This year i will cook my way through those dusty Betty Crocker cookbooks.
This year i will say what needs to be said with no fear no tear, no matter how harsh.
This year i will write more, draw more.
This year i will explore my creativeness.
This year i will own a lomography camera and take artistic pics and put them online for people to see.
This year i refuse to let these ppl get the best of me.
This year i refuse to let them quiet me, if they want a fight, I'll give them i fight.
This year i will not cry, instead get mad and burn their house down. /sarcasm
This year i want to be happy, for the entire year. For the 1st time in a long time.
This year things will finally go the way i wish them to go, I'll make sure of that.
This year i will own a guitar.
etc etc
Happy New Year!!!!!!