Clips from a past year.

GoogleDocs - After searching thru what seems like millions of saved docs on my google docs account, I found this old thing. Damn, I seemed depressed. Which I was of course. At least I was a bit optimistic. Its true what they say, "Surround yourself with people who will inspire & lecture you for the good. And slowly, anything seems to fall into place".

Famous Dave's

Saturday, July 10th 2010

They say, no one can truly understand what one is going through unless they experience it for themselves. I say, this statement is completely and utterly true.

Sometimes I wonder just how much different things would be if I didnt exist. This is my daily feeling living at the Ewald Residence - feeling as if a dont exist. Why? Because 75% of the fucking time everybody takes time out of their daily busy lives to forget that I have a deceased mother and father who is dead-to-me. They don't realize nor understand my struggle & what its like to live here alone with neither one of my parents to help guide me: financially or faithfully.  So if i have neither parents to buy me things whether a need or want; take me out to some festivities downtown, etc. Then who the hell will? 24hours locked up in this god forsaken dome as pretty much hell to me. Lonely with a chance of insanity. Farthest from your ideal, Home Sweet Home. Fuck my feelings. "Lets all go out to dinner or to a festival and leave Ge at home, alone. Where she can sit in misery hating and possibly embracing the fact that she's an orphan. Fuck her feelings. Lets all not invite her an purpose, cause lets face it, we have our own damn families to pay for."

Saturday, July 10th 2010 I was informed of a certain little outing that apparently, I wasn't supposed to be apart of. It was extremely clear that my invitation was indirect and that my accompany would only be a burden in wasting more gas money. Typical, a typical day in the life of me. A so called burden, most common in the category of "your not worth mileage(gas)". And its not fair. I am the last will. And its true, i am. I am the very last person they think about. I should be used to this kind of stuff anymore. Im nearly an orphan. And thats what orphans are: They get left behind.

Being Creative

I think anyone who's interested in expressing their creativity is interested in Art in general, such as music & photography. I know i am. I spend a long time debating what the hell am i supposed to do for a career, major in? All i had to ask myself was, "what do i like or love" - Being creative. And what could be better than waking up every morning to get paid for something you like or love. As a result, I applied to The Art Institute.

New Web Series coming soon!

"NEW WEB SERIES COMING SOON!"

Last Sunday, i took an interest in watching the Lifetime channel. (dont judge me, there was nothing else on) A movie called "Human Trafficking" was on. And it was one of those movies that make you literally yell at the characters on the screen, despite the fact that *its not real and they cant hear you*.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, GET THE HELL UP, YA GOT TWO FEET, RUN DUMBASS!!!

lol, Anyway...to get the point. I think Human Trafficking awareness is greatly needed! Someone need to puts these assholes in tact. And what better way to do that by creating short skits about a epic kick-ass female hunting down these bastards one by one. It'll prob. be like the movie "Taken" mixed with "Angel of Death".
Check out Angel of Death, if you've never heard of it. There's 10 webisode, starring Zoe Bell.

This is kinda late - Hello Easter

Hello Easter, for the day has come and gone.
Hello Easter, the day on which Jesus was passed on,

Hello Easter, you’ve brought some depth of  gathering to pass on,
Goodbye Easter, until next year.

April 5, 2010 4:00am

 Hello Easter

Today was Easter.
But not your typical holiday.
Few people were here, though it should have been many.
Back in the day like it once was before,
when everyone came over and shared some jokes LOLROTF (laughing out loud rolling on the floor)
Too bad parts of them were beefin’
Half the time I felt like sleepin’
It was a holiday and nothing more,
Cousins you see once a year, they knocked on the door,
Made suggestions “we’ll see each other a little more”
Suggestions they really don’t mean,
cause the next time you see them, is another year to score….?

My first posterous.

Who I used to be, and who i am, are two completely different people. Who i was, had four imprtant things in her life:

1. The mom

2. self-assurance

3. faith

4. a troop of friends

Posted via web from Dauntingly Frolic Me

Poems

Is wanting to be equal thought unfair,
By those who hold the cards and all the shots,
Or is it wanting your fair share really unfair,
If having everything creates ''have nots''

Oh, whould that eyes were blind to skin's dark blue,
If only hearts were judged instead of race,
There'd be no outward clues for us to view,
We'd have treat as equal every face.

I cry
I cry when a family member die,
I cry when i don't get pie,
I cry when there is no hope,
I cry when a family friend smokes dope.

Dishes and me
Oh, every time I look and see,
Those dirty dishes in the sink,
The food is drying hard as tar,
I come to cease and then I think,

What if I didn't do them now,
What if I let them sit and stink,
The devil on my shoulder says,
Just snack and rinse and go back to sleep.

On a verge we amerge,
To face the fights of life,
Screaming, ''it's a deadly knife'',
For what we'll face and what we don't
It's life you see, and now you won't,
From what you've seen or what you've heard,
Is all merely nonsense, Incredibly absurd.

The Poor
Seeing a child sleep on the ground,
Makes me sad, for you should agree,
A miracle i wish, astounds,
To live a life, there is no fee

Here lives a meal in front of me,
Cant take another bite, I think,
There they sleep where it is stormy,
Another dies before I blink.

Critiics Choice Movie Awards & a surprising Guest Band

Im watching the Critics Choice Movie Awards, and each time, rite before it goes to commercial, they start playing a song. And i thought, wait that kinda sounds like Nick Jonas. But then agian why would they have Nick playing at the CCMA's? hmm. Then i found out, it was Nick playing at the CCMA's, him and his band. And the point of this is, they sounded really really good. As if they were the actual people who sang those songs, thats how good they sounded.
But anyway, Im wondering and thinking and I thought: Why in hell didnt he just start off his career as jus ''Nick Jonas'' instead of the ''Jonas Brothers''? He wouldve been better off by himself in the beginning....shit, wit songs like that. The kid got a damn good voice. I think he wouldve been more successful, and he prob. would not have even met Miley Cyrus and got involved wit that entire La la land scene. The Jonas brothers were, to me, made up of 3 things: 1. Nick - the voice, 2. Joe -the unnccessary charmer, and 3. Kevin - who the hell knows why he's in the band.

(Pay no attention to this weird VMA - like moment, but why is Meryl looking like '' What the hell is she doing, she just couldnt resist") lol 

When I 1st heard of them, i heard them on the radio, better yet, I heard Nick and he was singing ''Please be mine''. That's the kind of music i thought i became a fan of, apparently until I Youtube'd them and saw those other tinky winky pop-like songs. Then i questioned rather I still wanted to be a fan but with a slight frown on my face.?
 BTW: the intro of the show was hilirious with the whole inglorious bastards scene and stuff, the host killed it :)

Quentin, Pirates, and Unrealistic Dreams..Fail

Ello Bloggets,
Top of the morning to ya and i dont kno why im typing like this, im not a pirate nor am i a terrorists, so jus ignore this introduction....

I just dreamt Quentin Tarantino created a tv show and held a contest for ONE lucky fan to write a scene for him...and i won. Then i woke up all excited and shit, like that really happened and i really won, until i realized......Epic Fail!

10 years ago & up..

...I was in the 2nd grade. I was a happy 7 year old. I had good friends, a living mother, and something that i was quite fond of - Barbies(alot of them). The year was far from shitty, like 2009, nor was i allowed to say words like ''shitty''. When i was 7 i dreamt alot & i can recall a particular dream that refuses to go away. I was asleep and woke up in my bedroom filled with water. There was all types of fish and whales swimming around. Then all of a sudden a shark (obviously) came in my room, stared at me for a moment and swam full speed right at me. Then i woke up, usually dreams are like that. The point is, that dream was a mere image of my life and  how it was soon going to be like. One moment Im calm & content cause Im surrounded by all these innocent, harmless, stress relieving  fish*people*. Then before i knew it, Im surrounded by this negative, & evil, Lifesucking creature, all in fear of standing up to it. Though maybe that creature only represented to the cruel, and despised ppl in my life, or yet, a mere image of me attacking myself. Or maybe a messenger saying, wake up, life isnt as pricked up as you think it is. Life, is coming, prepare yourself and awake from this dream. ''When life comes rushing at you from out of the darkness; will you sustain it, or let it crash and burn in you in the process... That dream was telling me something, i was just too young to understand it. But sometimes i wonder... if that wasnt the message, and that dream was nothing but a dream, then why did i dream it. I thought dreams were supposed to be a collection of images you acquire throughout your day, your the past or a thoughts of your imagination; not something that was going to happen in the future.
Only a few hours left until a New Year. Changes will be made, big changes:

In 2010 will be a more sarcastic me.
2010 I refuse to step back into that depressed state.
In this year i will visit her grave.
This year i will cook my way through those dusty Betty Crocker cookbooks.
This year i will say what needs to be said with no fear no tear, no matter how harsh.
This year i will write more, draw more.
This year i will explore my creativeness.
This year i will own a lomography camera and take artistic pics and put them online for people to see.
This year i refuse to let these ppl get the best of me.
This year i refuse to let them quiet me, if they want a fight, I'll give them i fight.
This year i will not cry, instead get mad and burn their house down. /sarcasm
This year i want to be happy, for the entire year. For the 1st time in a long time.
This year things will finally go the way i wish them to go, I'll make sure of that.
This year i will own a guitar.
etc etc
Happy New Year!!!!!!

Happy Holidays

A couple of weeks ago, me and my cousin thought it'd be a good idea to send our aunt my wishlist but as a joke. and she responded as we thought she would in email "Thats nice, but i dont have no money''
Epic!
...
anyway, i got another email from her later comfirming details about a Kill Bill poster i wanted to put in my apartment next year. I love getting my way....no not really, i never get my way, Im so poor *sigh*
I think, what really did it was the picture of my puppy dog eyes i send her, the email was kind of heartfelt & sad & how this was going to be my last christmas in this house before i move to NY...yea
That, Im good at. So if you ever need a actress who's terribly good at lying, puppy dog eyes, schemeing, all thee above; Im here for you.....
..
For only $9.99 ;)
Happy Holidays!

Surprise?

-Is surprised, very few people surprise me.

Its not what you know, its who you know. You could know.. life sucks and your in it alone, and be in the darkest mood; and then get a random gift of kindness from the people you've thought forgotten about you.
People surprise me.

You, yourself of all people, wanders in the mind of someone else, somewhere. As much as you like to think how impossible that sounds, sooner or later you have to realize, its not. Someone's been thinking of you, and it matters. Drop whatever image or idea you have about people not caring, because somewhere, someone is. Even if its just one.

RIP 2009

So yesterday, if you havent heard, Brittany Murphy died. Its sad that she's one of them but please let her be the last one of the year 2009. Patrick Swayze, Michael, Farrah, my uncle...(the ones that i know of) lost their lives in''09'' Its like their deaths signify the ending of this decade and its too surreal to believe. Brittany played in a movie that really got me and kinda acted out parts of my life in both characters: Molly(Brittany) and Ray (Dakota Fanning) in the movie "Uptown Girls". My mom bought that movie and we watched it together a couple of times, but that was in 2003. Funny how we see something one day happening to someone else or something on TV, and the next day its actually happening to us. Who knew Ray was gonna be me a year later, jus w/o the Nanny or being rich. The things we can't quite understand are the things we turn away from the most.
They say she died of natural causes. You dont just die of natural causes at 32, its not normal especially right before Chirstmas. Its too fast. Time doesnt give us enough of the living. But it gives us all the time left in the world to grieve the dead.

My mom died 4 days b4 my 12th b-day. Ive been thrh the 5 stages thing, prob. the anger & depression stage the most. Acceptance was a bliss. i was lost & no one knew how to help, & i didnt have much of a good support system. She was my roc & the only person i could really tlk to. Not many ppl can say that. Sumtimes i didnt give a shit about ppl, i was selfish but that wasnt always helpful. In the end all i needed was Paper & pen & wrote my grief & anger away. I write to deal w/ grief..   RIP Brittany Murphy
-comment response to shanedawson on youtubehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnWbN2Vxpnw

Kill Bill

Props! to Quentin Tarantino, for he is one of the greatest directors of my time. Because of him and his creations, I have proposed my New Years Revolution. And no, its not Revenge, you'd think. Simply my idea of meeting my goal and doing whatever it takes to get there - Kill Bill.
Of course theres no killing involved in this...haha
I expect the following to take place:
*Speak my mind more..sarcasticly
*Pass that stupid test
*Write more, avoid distractions
*Avoid going mad because of lack of money
*Actually cook something from those BettyCrocker/Pillsberry cookbooks
*More New York visits
*get an apartment

Weird Dream, a message?

"You come back into my life and complain that I've been absent from yours only to disappear again."

Quote Me

"I'm not interested in money.
I just want to be wonderful."
- Marilyn Monroe

"So do not worry about tomorrow;
for tomorrow will care for itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own."
- Matthew 6:34

"Others matter more than you do,
so don't fuss, dear; get on with it."
- Audrey Hepburn

"You can spend minutes, hours, days,
weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation;
trying to put the pieces together
justifying what could've would've happened --
or you can just leave the pieces on the floor
and move the fuck on."
- Tupac Amaru Shakur

If I’d ever had to quote myself it’ll probably be something like this, “I’m alone in this so called world of reality, youtube is my get back to world, and I am my own biggest critic.” – something like that , but im sure It’ll probably be longer, maybe even a page or two.

As far as quotes, I’ve always thought they’re said by smart and famous people, and anyone’s “quote” in between is just a good choice of words. Sometimes you wonder, sometimes you think and when these thoughts come out into words they’re interpreted as “quotes”, when really they’re just a mix up of your imagination , of which everyone has. Everyone has something to say so are they quoted, am I quoted? Am I a human quote? I think, I wonder too. Sometimes I think too much, so much I scare myself sometimes. Sometimes I wonder what its like to be someone else, the many people you pass walking down the street, walking down the school hallway, people on tv …, to live their life, free of pain, fear and worry in this so called world of reality you wish you could just get back to that simple world, the world when you quoted how much you love “converse, reese's cup, photography, cooking, and bugz bunny...”