Happy Holidays

A couple of weeks ago, me and my cousin thought it'd be a good idea to send our aunt my wishlist but as a joke. and she responded as we thought she would in email "Thats nice, but i dont have no money''
Epic!
...
anyway, i got another email from her later comfirming details about a Kill Bill poster i wanted to put in my apartment next year. I love getting my way....no not really, i never get my way, Im so poor *sigh*
I think, what really did it was the picture of my puppy dog eyes i send her, the email was kind of heartfelt & sad & how this was going to be my last christmas in this house before i move to NY...yea
That, Im good at. So if you ever need a actress who's terribly good at lying, puppy dog eyes, schemeing, all thee above; Im here for you.....
..
For only $9.99 ;)
Happy Holidays!

Surprise?

-Is surprised, very few people surprise me.

Its not what you know, its who you know. You could know.. life sucks and your in it alone, and be in the darkest mood; and then get a random gift of kindness from the people you've thought forgotten about you.
People surprise me.

You, yourself of all people, wanders in the mind of someone else, somewhere. As much as you like to think how impossible that sounds, sooner or later you have to realize, its not. Someone's been thinking of you, and it matters. Drop whatever image or idea you have about people not caring, because somewhere, someone is. Even if its just one.

RIP 2009

So yesterday, if you havent heard, Brittany Murphy died. Its sad that she's one of them but please let her be the last one of the year 2009. Patrick Swayze, Michael, Farrah, my uncle...(the ones that i know of) lost their lives in''09'' Its like their deaths signify the ending of this decade and its too surreal to believe. Brittany played in a movie that really got me and kinda acted out parts of my life in both characters: Molly(Brittany) and Ray (Dakota Fanning) in the movie "Uptown Girls". My mom bought that movie and we watched it together a couple of times, but that was in 2003. Funny how we see something one day happening to someone else or something on TV, and the next day its actually happening to us. Who knew Ray was gonna be me a year later, jus w/o the Nanny or being rich. The things we can't quite understand are the things we turn away from the most.
They say she died of natural causes. You dont just die of natural causes at 32, its not normal especially right before Chirstmas. Its too fast. Time doesnt give us enough of the living. But it gives us all the time left in the world to grieve the dead.

My mom died 4 days b4 my 12th b-day. Ive been thrh the 5 stages thing, prob. the anger & depression stage the most. Acceptance was a bliss. i was lost & no one knew how to help, & i didnt have much of a good support system. She was my roc & the only person i could really tlk to. Not many ppl can say that. Sumtimes i didnt give a shit about ppl, i was selfish but that wasnt always helpful. In the end all i needed was Paper & pen & wrote my grief & anger away. I write to deal w/ grief..   RIP Brittany Murphy
-comment response to shanedawson on youtubehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnWbN2Vxpnw

Kill Bill

Props! to Quentin Tarantino, for he is one of the greatest directors of my time. Because of him and his creations, I have proposed my New Years Revolution. And no, its not Revenge, you'd think. Simply my idea of meeting my goal and doing whatever it takes to get there - Kill Bill.
Of course theres no killing involved in this...haha
I expect the following to take place:
*Speak my mind more..sarcasticly
*Pass that stupid test
*Write more, avoid distractions
*Avoid going mad because of lack of money
*Actually cook something from those BettyCrocker/Pillsberry cookbooks
*More New York visits
*get an apartment

Weird Dream, a message?

"You come back into my life and complain that I've been absent from yours only to disappear again."

Quote Me

"I'm not interested in money.
I just want to be wonderful."
- Marilyn Monroe

"So do not worry about tomorrow;
for tomorrow will care for itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own."
- Matthew 6:34

"Others matter more than you do,
so don't fuss, dear; get on with it."
- Audrey Hepburn

"You can spend minutes, hours, days,
weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation;
trying to put the pieces together
justifying what could've would've happened --
or you can just leave the pieces on the floor
and move the fuck on."
- Tupac Amaru Shakur

If I’d ever had to quote myself it’ll probably be something like this, “I’m alone in this so called world of reality, youtube is my get back to world, and I am my own biggest critic.” – something like that , but im sure It’ll probably be longer, maybe even a page or two.

As far as quotes, I’ve always thought they’re said by smart and famous people, and anyone’s “quote” in between is just a good choice of words. Sometimes you wonder, sometimes you think and when these thoughts come out into words they’re interpreted as “quotes”, when really they’re just a mix up of your imagination , of which everyone has. Everyone has something to say so are they quoted, am I quoted? Am I a human quote? I think, I wonder too. Sometimes I think too much, so much I scare myself sometimes. Sometimes I wonder what its like to be someone else, the many people you pass walking down the street, walking down the school hallway, people on tv …, to live their life, free of pain, fear and worry in this so called world of reality you wish you could just get back to that simple world, the world when you quoted how much you love “converse, reese's cup, photography, cooking, and bugz bunny...”